


Hanahaki- The Doomed Lovers Disease

by Gamergirl2170



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Hanahaki Disease
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2017-09-08
Packaged: 2018-12-25 09:49:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12033393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gamergirl2170/pseuds/Gamergirl2170
Summary: I've recently come across some Hanahaki Disease stories that intrigued me- I thought I'd give it a shot. So this is a series of oneshots based on the Hanahaki Disease. Please enjoy, and feel free to comment.It was common, in my world, for people to have the disease- the Hanahaki Disease, but obviously it’s not common in Thedas. I never had to worry about it.





	1. Red Carnations

**Author's Note:**

> With help from fellow Colemancers.

 

_It was common, in my world, for people to have the disease- the Hanahaki Disease, but obviously it’s not common in Thedas. I never had to worry about it, but I wasn’t alone here. My brother, Mekha, had started coughing Anemone when he was only 15, me being 16, and I can’t keep track of the nights that I’ve stayed up, holding him as he coughed up the pale white and violet petals. Over our time in Thedas the Anemone petals had changed to a deeper purple petal, a new love causing it, the looks he’d given to Bull had to be the cause of it. I had vowed, then, to never to fall in love, to never suffer as he had, because it would destroy me, which lead to where I am now._

 

Standing before the war table, Mekha had gone to work on his sword fighting, while Leliana, Josephine, Cullen, and I discuss the Winter Palace, that my lungs started to burn with an unfamiliar pain, and a uncomfortable tickle in the back of my throat crept over me, causing me to grip the edge of the war table, bringing a hand up to cover my mouth. My back hunches over as coughs rack through me, tears burning as my advisors watch in worry, and as my other hand falls down to catch myself against the war table, my eyes widen at the sing red flower that floats down onto the table before me, more following shortly after as I hack and cough, more sharply than before. “I-I-” Swallowing thickly, I sit up as new tears well in my eyes, not from the pain, but from the thought of my love being unrequited before I’ve even managed to confess, not something that’s common either. Lift one of the small red petals, studying the way that red fades down into pure white- carnations, tears blur my vision as I suck in a sharp breath, wiping my face. “I’m sorry- this is common in my world. Ignore it.”

 

“Perhaps, it’s best if we take a small break?” Leliana is observing the petals on the table with a look of fright and curiosity.

 

“No!” I clear my throat at the surprised looks on their faces. “No, it won’t go away. I’ll have to live with this for the rest of my life.”

 

“Th-There is no cure?” Josephine asks.

 

“Not in this world.” I answer. “ _Please_ , can we move on? I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” With that, I sweep the petals off the table, and swallow as I meet all of their gazes, save for Cullen’s. Knowing that if I meet his gaze, I will lose myself to the sadness and tears that wish to overwhelm me. _I know the cause, ever since Hawke came to Skyhold, Cullen’s been acting strange, we never play chess, or spend time alone any more. I know that he loves her._ I think to myself as we quickly finish the meeting, before going our own separate ways.

 

Making my way towards the sparring ring in the upper courtyard, someone grabs my wrist, causing me to turn, my eyes widening as I see Cullen standing there. “Alix, are you… what was-?” He rubs the back of his neck, unable to meet my gaze as I notice a few nobles stopping to stare at the two of us in the middle of the throne room.

 

“I can’t talk now, Commander.” I gently shrug off his grasp, causing his head, his golden honeydew eyes drawn to my green apple orbs, and I turn my gaze downcast, drawing my lip between my teeth. “I can’t talk now.” I repeat, turning towards the doors once more, my feet taking me further from Cullen, and closer to my original goal. Approaching the sparring ring, it’s empty, causing me to huff a breath, escaping to the corner around the tavern, I have my hands pressed against the wall to keep me upright as I cough and hack, my lungs burning and heaving as the red petals float to the ground, my black locks hanging on either side of my head as a curtain. “Damnit.” I hiccup as my hands clench into fists, tears burning unshed as I press myself off the wall, and turn to leave, only to find Mekha standing in the opening, hands clenched in fists as he observes me with tears in his eyes.

 

“Alix, no…” He looks so defeated as he crosses the space between us in three strides, pulling me close as bury my face in his tunic, sobbing as he tries to sooth me. “It’s okay, Alix. I promise it’s okay.”

 

“I’m sorry.” I manage to squeak out, and his shoulders hunch as he holds me closer, tears wetting my shoulder as we both shake with sobs. Later that night, the two of us sit with Varric, Sera, Leliana, Bull, Cullen, Solas, and Cole at a table, I have to excuse myself to go cough out the carnation petals more than once, knowing that it will take me a while to hold back the flower petals like Mekha can. Dropping into a seat beside my brother, who pushes a tankard of water towards me, I give him a relieved smile, feeling the question hanging in the air around him as we play Wicked Grace, all of us chattering amicably.

 

* * *

 

“So, are you going to tell me? Mekha finally asks, causing me to look at him, his presses a fist to his mouth, coughing out a tiny little Anemone petal, causing the others to watch in wonder as it floats to the table, causing my brother to reach out to brush it away. “Are you going to tell me?” He insists, causing me to shake my head, sipping the cold water.

 

“No.” I answer.

 

“Tell him what?” Varric inquires.

 

“Who the petals are for.” Cole answers instead, tilting his head as he watches me. “ _The feeling swirls in her stomach, startling and sickening. He reaches out, but not to her. Pointless curses, nonsense verses, cobwebs and flies come out. Killing her softly, but the heart wants it wants._ ” I scramble up out of my seat, quickly reach out across the table, my hand connecting with Cole’s face, covering his mouth at I look into the searing agog arctic orbs before me.

 

“Please, Cole.” I hiss in a sharp whisper. “No more.” Unable to verbally answer, he nods as the others stare at us, and I pull back, causing the blonde to tilt his head at me once more as I drop back into my seat.

 

“So, the petals mean somethin’ yeah? Ya don’t just spit em out from fun, like that’s not normal where yer from?” Sera asks, looking at Mekha and I, causing me to sigh, shaking my head.

 

“No, it’s a disease-”

 

“A disease?!” Varric shouts, effectively cutting me off.

 

“Are you two alright?” Solas inquires, standing to cross over to us.

 

“ **_Stop!_ ** ” Everyone around us freezes at Mekha’s shout, he looks over at me as I lift my cup, drawing a long sip from the metal tankard, before I set the cup down, and press my hands flat to the table, standing with a sigh.

 

“I think i’m going to turn in for the night.” I murmur, moving away from the table to exit the tavern, feeling eyes bearing down on my back from behind.

* * *

 

Sitting on the wall of the battlements, watching the soldiers and Mekha in the sparring ring, I don’t hear the footsteps of someone approaching until I notice that someone is leaning on the wall beside me, his hands clasped together as he observes the ring from the battlements. “So, the petals are meant for someone?” I jump as I realize that it’s Cullen, my neck prickles as I glance over at him briefly, before turning away as I nod.

 

“My friends and I, we used to call it the Doomed Lovers disease- Mekha’s had to deal with it since he was 15…” I shake my head. “The nights I spent holding him as he cried, and coughed up the petals were…” I bite my lip, tears welling in my eyes as feel the burn in my lungs that is quickly becoming familiar. Cullen watches as I swing around, covering my mouth as hurry away, managing to get through his office, before I hunch over, choking and hacking on the deep red petals, that seem to rip themselves from my lungs, causing the tears in my eyes to break free, and I barely manage to keep myself upright while clinging to the nearby battlement wall.

 

“Alix,” Cullen’s hand is at my back, rubbing and soothing as if to attempt to help the pain that ripples through my body, my lungs heaving to extract the petals from them. “Alix, why won’t you talk to the healers about this?”

 

“There’s _nothing_ to talk about, Cullen!” I snap, regretting it as I look up to see that my words have struck him, almost like I’ve slapped him. “The… The only way to get it to stop, was by having a doctor of my world remove them, but that would also involve removing the love that came along with them.” I manage to admit as I stand up straight, sucking in sharp air. “I would rather love and suffer, than lose my love.”

 

“So, this happens whenever you’re in love, in your world?” Cullen asks, a strange emotion stirs behind his medallion eyes.

 

“No,” I shake my head, wiping my face free of the tears. “It only happens when the love we have, is unrequited.” Looking down at the flower petals at my feet, the stinging in my chest intensifies. “Red carnations, the flowers of unrequited love. Everyone has their own flower, each flower has different meanings. Mine serves to remind me of the reason behind it.” I murmur.

 

“You never coughed them up before?” I look up at him, shamrock meets canary, the ache in my heart dulls as the look he gives me could be something akin to love, before I remember the situation, causing me to turn my head away sharply.

 

“No. It’s only started recently.” I answer, gripping my left wrist with my right hand, and sucking in a deep breath. “I-I can live with it.” With that, I walk off, leaving him standing there, looking after me.

 

“Hey, wait!” Cullen shouts, spinning me around by my shoulder, causing me to look up at him, relatively surprised as he rips his hand away, eyes going wide as he gapes at like I’m the one he grabbed him. “S-Sorry, I… uh-” He rubs the back of his neck, a blush blossoms across his face in a pale pink, and his looks at his feet. “I was hoping to help you, somehow.” I blink at him.

 

“Help… me? Why?” I inquire, tilting my head at him, and his face blooms a deeper pink.

 

“Maker’s breath.” He mutters, shaking his head. “Because we’re friends, the fact that you’re in agony over... whoever this fool is, it makes me angry!” He manages to sound relatively calm, despite his abrupt exclamation, and I find myself unable to hold my annoyance back.

 

“Right, and _how_ could you help me? There’s nothing the healers can do. There is anything _anyone_ can do, unless it’s the only I love, saying he loves me back. But, since he’s so obsessed with someone else, that’s never going to happen, so I have to deal with this on my own- there is absolutely nothing you could do.” I snarl, crossing my arms over my chest with my fists balled. He looks at me in shock, a pained expression on his face causes me to let out a sigh, looking down.

 

“I-I’m sor-”

 

“No, I’m sorry. I can’t be taking my anger out on you, it’s not fair.” I shake my head. “It’s not your fault.” I look up to meet his gaze. “There is nothing you can do to help me.” With that, I turn on my heels, walking away with my head low, feeling my gut twist and tears burn in my eyes.

 

* * *

 

I hadn’t even noticed it, at first, that I had started to avoid Cullen, he comes into the tavern for our weekly Wicked grace, and I make up some excuse to stand up, and leave, missing the game. At the war table, I don’t look at him, we barely exchange two words, and as soon as the meeting is dismissed, I’m the first one out of the room, leaving the others behind in shock. Today, when he greets us at the gate, returning from the Hissing Wastes, I am the last one in the courtyard, watching as he helps Hawke off her horse, the two chatting as if oblivious to the world around them. He finally turns his gaze to me, I’m already dismounting the horse, finding purchase against the stable as I expel the flower petals from my lungs as he hurries over, holding my hair back from my face as he rubs my back. “Are you alright?” He asks, his tone is full of worry and comfort, and I rub my eyes, nodding as I press of the stable, moving to remove the tack from my mount. “Alix, would you _please_ see a healer?”

 

“ **_Enough!_ ** ” I snarl, throwing the saddle in my arms to the side, whirling around to point a finger in his face, acidic jade baring into frightened honey. “Don’t you think I haven’t been!?” I finally admit, causing his eyes to widen I look away, dropping my finger. “I want this gone, more than anyone.” I draw in a deep breath, looking him in the eye once more. “The Hanahaki Disease is a death sentence, the most painful of them all.”

 

“A… You’re dying?!” Cullen demands.

 

“No, at least…” I swallow back the ball of carnations threatening to erupt from my mouth once more. “I have years before it will kill me, like I said- Mekha has been dealing with this since he was only 15, it has yet to kill him.” I shake my head. “It’s different for everyone, alright? Because, not everyone’s agony is the same.” I turn away, picking up the saddle, and start to set it over the side of the stable. “The last flower you cough up, before you pass, is a red spider lily- mine are red carnations, there isn’t a cure here- I was hoping…” I shake my head once more.

 

“Alix, I-”

 

“It’s fine, Cullen. I’ll just suffer, I’m becoming used to it.” I pause, in the middle of picking up a brush for the horse, and look over at him. “It’s seeds at first- I didn’t want to worry anyone.”

 

“What’s seeds at first?” Cullen asks in surprise.

 

“The disease. You don’t cough up flower petals, when it starts. It’s seeds first, then flower petals, which become more and more flower petals the longer you have the disease.” I continue to brush my horse, leaving Cullen standing there, watching me, and I decide to spare him the rest of the information.

 

* * *

 

“Alix! Alix!” I whirl around, from observing Cullen sparring with a soldier, to see Mekha dashing towards me, he stumbles to a stop before me, my hands shooting out to grab his shoulder.

 

“Careful, you’ll make the Disease worse!” I scold as Mekha smiles up at me, and shakes his head.

 

“No! Look!” He smiles as he turns his head, hunching over to start coughing, only… nothing comes out.

 

“You- No Anemone petals?!” I shout in surprise, suddenly Cullen is hopping the fence, shirtless skin glistening with sweat as he charges over to us, grabbing Mekha by the shoulder, and turning my brother towards him.

 

“How?!” Cullen demands, in my brother’s face, and as Mekha goes to speak, I let out a wheezing cough, causing my brother and Cullen to look at me as I stumble back, my eyes clouding over for a moment as my knees give out, red carnation petals flow down from my mouth, but there is something wrong, something different- white is smeared with red, tinged with blood, causing me to let out a sob, bringing a hand up to cover my mouth as Mekha kneels beside me, touching my shoulder as I look up at him, and he looks at the petals, noticing the blood.

 

“H-How? It’s too early.” He lifts me into his arms, holding me closer as I bury my face in his shirt, sobbing as I hear Cullen firing off questions.

 

“What’s wrong? Is she alright? Is there anything I can do?” One after another, my hands grip Mekha’s tunic, and he helps me to my feet as I glance at Cullen, opening my mouth to speak, when Hawke comes up to us, instantly capturing Cullen’s attention.

 

“What’s going on?” She asks, and I take this time to study her, she has beautiful lapis eyes, and long mahogany red locks, she’s tall, lean, muscular, and has a blindingly white smile.

 

“ **_Nothing_ **.” Mekha replies sharply, causing the young woman to look at him in surprise, before glancing at me.

 

“Are you alright?” She asks, I reach up, scrubbing the blood from the corner of my lip, and Cullen snaps into awareness, looking back over at me.

 

“I’m going to take her to a healer.” Cullen says, lifting me from the ground before Mekha, or I can make a sound of protest, starting towards the healer’s cabin, and once he deposits me on a cot in the empty room, I glare up at him.

 

“There is _no_ point in being here!” He blinks as he walks over to the door, shutting it as he slides the lock into place, turning to me.

 

“Yes, there is. I wanted _away_ from Hawke and your brother. Mainly Hawke, as much as I enjoy seeing her again, she brings back too unpleasant feelings.”

 

“For someone who says that, I remember you going out of your way to see her.” I mutter under my breath, pointedly looking away when I notice his head snaps over to me, likely that he had heard me.

 

“You-”

 

“So, why bring me along?” I demand, causing his to falter for a second, before he crosses the room, dropping onto the cot beside the one he placed me on, and he looks down as he takes my hands in his.

 

“I wanted to know if you were alright…” He pauses, looking down for a moment, causing me to frown as I look away.

 

“It’s uncommon for people to survive, as long as Mekha has. Most live anywhere from three months to three years, he’s lived with the Disease for over 17 years.” He looks at me in surprise. “At my deteriorating rate, I have maybe a year.”

 

“You can’t!” Cullen’s eyes widen at his outburst, slapping a hand over his mouth as I observe him for a moment, then let out a weak, sad laugh.

 

“It’s alright, Cullen. I’m making peace, if I can help stop Corypheus, before I suffocate, and die, I’ll be happy.” I smile up at him, feeling it fall short of convincing. “I can love unrequited, to let other be happy.”

 

“Have you even spoke this man about this? Told him how you feel?!” Cullen demands, shifting to grab my shoulders instead of my hands.

 

“No.” I shake my head, tears coming to my eyes. “I don’t want to burden him, I don’t want to be rejected on my deathbed.”

 

“If he rejects you, he’s an idiot! You need to tell him how you feel!” He looks me in the eyes, tears making his amber orbs smoldering. “ _Please!_ ” He drops his head, sighing. “Please, Alix, I-I can’t handle this.”

 

“I understand, Cullen, that you don’t want to lose more friends, but I-”

 

“ **_You think this is just about losing a friend?!_ ** ” He stands up as I stare at him, watch as he paces back and forth before the cots, while running his fingers through his sweat slicked hair, and he turns back to me. “You think this is just because you’re a friend, or the inquisitor?”

 

“Isn’t it?” I demand, my voice breaking as tears fill my eyes, and I stand up, walking over to him, my hands shooting of to grab his shoulders, to make his stop walking. “Isn’t this the whole reason why you even care?!”

 

“ **NO!** ” He roars as I freeze, my arms going slack as he frowns, reaching out to tuck an ebony lock behind my ear. “No, it’s not. You just don’t get it, do you?”

 

“Get what?! Get that you spend every waking minute with a woman you claim to dislike, while I, your supposed best friend, suffers from a disease that _you_ caused!?” My eyes widen as my hand slaps over my mouth, and he stares at me, frozen as tears well in my eyes, and I shove past him, making towards the door, sliding the lock out of place. Just I start to open the door, it slams shut with Cullen’s hand pressed firmly against it, causing me to turn, looking up at him as he cups my face, my tears falling as he trails his fingers down from my cheek to the back of my neck, cupping it. Drawing me close as he presses his lips to my own, my eyes widening as the ache and burning in my lungs dulls to nothing, and my fingers twist in his hair, kissing him back, before we part for air.

 

“You.” He presses kiss to my lips. “Are.” Another kiss. “The.” Another. “One.” Another. “I.” Another. “Love.” He pulls me in for another passion driven kiss, my arms around his neck as my fingers twine in his hair once more, before he pulls away to look at me.

 

“I love you.” I look down, tucking my head into the crook of his neck, my arms sliding down to his waist, holding him. “I love you so much that it physically hurts.”

 

“I’m sorry, I caused you so much pain.” He murmurs, stroking my hair, and I shake my head.

 

“Just promise me that you love me too.”

 

“I do.”


	2. Origanum Dictamnus

 

_Hanahaki Disease, uncommon in Thedas, but not in my world, my realm. We call if the flower coughing disease, the Doomed Lovers disease, the Loneliest Death Sentence Disease, so many terrible names for something so beautiful. I never had to worry about it, and most people in my world hadn’t died from it- there were very few incidents of death. But, to myself, I had vowed never to fall in love, and I’ve never had to worry about it, until now._

 

Sitting on the lift, just inside the door to the rotunda, I have my arms crossed over and placed over my knees, watching as Solas admittedly talks with one of the female elven mages that we had rescued from Alexius. She’s beautiful, _of course_ , with shock white hair, chocolate brown skin, and electric purple eyes that are wide and round, staring in wonder as Solas speaks about the fade. _He’s never like that with me_ , I find myself pouting, _even when I ask about the fade. I’ve asked him a lot, it’s not like I can help it… it’s interesting._ I snort at myself. _Okay, so,_ **_he_ ** _is interesting, I can’t help it if I love him._ My eyes widen at my revelation, and watching as the girl reaches out to stroke Solas’s arm, an added heat to her eyes, he does nothing to dissuade her- in fact he seems to step closer. My chest wheezes as my lungs tighten, and fill with a burning feeling, my tongue feels dry as my eyes widen, and I scramble to my feet, struggling not to trip over myself to get to the ladder, I vaguely realize that Solas and the elven girl have stopped talking, watching as I grip the ladder. Sliding down as fast as I can, and stumble towards the door, my chest heaving as my eyes water, and I catch myself on the wall, coughing and choking as I bring my hand up to my mouth. I stare at the unfamiliar seeds in my hand, feeling my heart pounding like a rock in my chest, I find my head shaking as my legs give out, and I fall to the floor, catching myself on my hands. “No no no no! It-It can’t be. It’s not possible.” I stammer out, suddenly Solas is before me, his hand on my shoulder.

 

“Are you hurt? Do you need healing?” He asks, causing me to look up at him, sure that my eyes are wide with fear, my chest constricting painfully as each ragged breath I take is rough, sharp, causing his eyes widen with alarm. “Zera, deep breathes!” He lifts my head up, forcing me to suck in air, and when my world starts to come into focus once more, I stumble to my feet, bolting out the rotunda door. “Zera!”

 

“No, this isn’t happening! It’s not happening!” I cry as I dash towards the courtyard, I can hear Solas right on my trail, I jump down from the upper courtyard, landing on a tent in the lower one, before scrambling towards the stables, and up the steps, leaving Blackwall looking confused behind me. I climb the rafters of the barn, balancing on the top as Solas calmly climbs the steps, looking around before he perches right under me, and slowly lifts his head to smirk at me.

 

“Perhaps you are in need of a new hiding space.” He states, causing me to frown, shifting so that I am sitting on the rat, instead of standing, coughing a few more unfamiliar seeds up. “What is the matter, that you thought you must run away from me?”

 

“Nothing.” I lie, wincing as my voice cracks, and I know he can tell it’s a lie. “It’s nothing.” I state, clearing my throat.

 

“Is this an other realm custom?” His inquiry makes me let out a small laugh.

 

“Something like that.” I answer, choking out my fifth seed with a sharp cough, before I look down at the strange seed, coated in silva, and I let out a sigh, chucking the seed out the top of the stable, before dropping down from the rafter, while hanging on by my hands. “I’m sick, it’s… an illness, a disease that is incurable in this world, even with magic.” I explain as he looks at me in a surprise, worry covering his face.

 

“Are you quite sure?” He inquires as I drop into place beside him, looking him in the face.

 

“Yeah, it’s…” I cover my mouth as I hunch over, coughing and hacking as a seed forces itself up from my throat, and he worriedly pats my bat as I suck in deep breathes, and wipe my mouth on my sleeve. “It’s this.” I hold out the seed for him to see, causing his brow to crinkle.

 

“You cough up seeds?”

 

“For now, later they will turn into petals, then flowers, then grow stems, and by then I will be dying. Each time I will cough the flowers up, they’ll start to suffocate me.” His eyes widen at my explanation, I toss the seed out the window.

 

“This disease can kill you?”

 

“We both know that if the disease didn’t the mark will.”

 

“But, this will prolong your agony- is there a reason for this disease, you were fine until a while ago.” I am surprised by the agony in his voice, and I look down.

 

“Unrequited love.” I answer, causing him to fall silent, looking at me in confusion.

 

“What?” He tilts his head to look at me, and I interlock my fingers behind my back, looking him directly in the eyes.

 

“This disease is brought on by unrequited love, which is quite common in my world.” I explain, causing him to look at me in curiosity. “One of the only ways to remove the disease, the infection, is a surgery that has be perfected in my realm, but along with the removal of the disease, are my feels, my emotions, and every memory of the one I love.”

 

“The other is?” I notice the look in Solas’s eyes, curiosity, passion for learning new things, and I find myself wanting to clam up, know that I’m only a curiosity because of my origins.

 

“The other is impossible.” I answer, dropping my head once more, drawing my bottom lip between my teeth.

 

“But, what is it? What makes it so impossible? Please, Lethallan.” His face is alight with such want, to know more, to learn something new, that I can’t help myself.

 

“For the unrequited feels to be reciprocated by the one you love.” At my words, his face falls. “Like I’ve said, impossible- he would never…” I bite my lip as tears burn my eyes. “In my realm, it’s not just hate and hunger that kills, it is also love.” With that, I start down the steps of the stables, ignoring the fact that Solas is not following after me this time.

* * *

 

The first petal that comes floating out, happens when we’re in the Hissing Wastes, a small cough grants a single white petal, with green underlying color that fades down to a pink color, and my eyes widen as Solas appears at my side, observing the petal. “What is it?” Cassandra asks from behind us, riding her bog unicorn.

 

“ _Nothing!_ ” I lie as I look at Solas, swallowing thickly as he looks at me, watching as I hunch over, hacking and coughing as Solas grips me against his chest, hiding me from Cassandra’s view as I expel a small pile of flower petals, and when I manage to get the world to come back into a blurred focus, Solas and I are sitting on the ground, without anyone else around. “Wh-Where is-”

 

“I sent Cassandra and Sera ahead to the camp, how are you feeling?” He inquires, causing me to look at the pile of flower petals on the ground, feeling my stomach roll as I pointedly look away.

 

“White dittany of crete… Origanum Dictamnus.” He looks at me in confusion. “The flower, it’s called the flower of passion- whether it be the passion of learning, or the passion of love.”

 

“Zera, I need you to explain to me, what the life expectancy is- for this… this-”

 

“Hanahaki Disease.” I answer.

 

“I beg your pardon?”

 

“The disease… it’s called Hanahaki. Also called the Doomed Lover’s Disease, or the flower coughing disease.” I explain, swallowing back more petals. “Life expectancy is anywhere from three months, to three years, and since I was coughing up seeds for two months, I’ll more than likely have four months of flowers, and then six months of whole flowers, and then the stems will grow, and I’ll be suffocating to the point of death… Just over a year.”

 

“You have… a _year_ left?!” Solas’s panicked voice causes me to nod, shuffling to my feet as he follows. “You could be panicking more!”

 

“Why?” I ask, tilting my head at him. “I’m content, my only regret will be dying without knowing love.” His blinks at me, frowning as he reaches out, grabbing my arm to pull me close, and he hugs me as I blink in surprise.

 

“You’re loved, by everyone in Thedas. Maybe not in the way you hope, but you are not alone.”

 

“Geez!” I push away from him, wiping my eyes as tears well in them. “You’re the Dread Wolf, you’re not supposed to be so mushy!”

 

“My apologizes. This is a sad revelation for me.” He answers, causing me to let out a tearful laugh, sniffling as I gesture towards the camp with my head.

 

“We should get going, before the others get worried, or suspicious.” I state, causing him to nod, the two of us starting towards the camp, stopping on occasion so that I can expel the petals from my lungs again.

* * *

 

Sitting in my bedroom, on my bed, my head thrums as I occasionally expel flower petals into the bucket beside my bed, shaking as I notice the blood that tinges the petals. Rubbing my eyes to wipe away my tears, I sniffle as lay on my bed, curling into a ball as I attempt to relax a bit. “ _Swirling spinning, swiftly shifting, sifting. The end might be closer. Reaching out, hands reaching for hands, reach for others, helping helpers help, hoping._ ”

 

“Cole,” My head pulses as the blonde rogue appears beside me, gripping my hand between his own. “I-I need Solas. Get me Solas.” I stammer out, causing the blonde to nod, vanishing as my stomach contricts, and I sit up, grappling for the bucket, expelling more Origanum Dictamnus petals when my bedroom door slams open, and Solas appears at the top of my stairs, staring at me. “S-Solas…” I manage to stammer out, before coughing on more petals, blood accompanying them.

 

“Is that-?” I nod, suddenly he fade steps, clearing the length of the room to my side, and kneeling on the bed, his hands glowing with ice magic as he rubs my temples with two skilled fingers, causing me to hum as he places the bucket to the side, pressing me back onto the sheets as he continues to sooth the migraines away. “This is dangerous, you cannot keep this hidden any longer.”

 

“Why would I tell everyone, when my best friend is being nice, and taking such good care of me?” I joke, a sleepy smile on my face, but his hands still, and he looks down at me.

 

“You and I both know why that is.”

 

“I suppose you can’t afford to take along a sickly girl now, hm?”

 

“It would not stop me, but I wish you to live in a life of comfort, before your death. Not a life of traveling.”

 

“Isn’t that for me to decide?”

 

“Is it not natural to be complacent for once?” I open my eyes to narrow them at him.

 

“Would you rather I not go, because I’m not an elf like that mage girl that fancies you?” I spit at him, sitting up as I hold the satin sheets against me, having stripped down to my small clothes previously from the heat.

 

“Why would you bring her up?” Solas asks as he reaches from my arm to bring me back down, but I pull my arm away from his grasp.

 

“Would you rather me be elven? Having a human companion on your mission to restore Arlathan would hinder, rather than help, wouldn’t it?!” I snarl, causing him to blink as I stumble to my feet from the bed, my head swims as I stumble, and suddenly he’s at my side once more, holding me up when I almost collapse, the sheet vanishing from my fingers without my notice.

 

“You’re freezing. Why are you in nothing by your smalls?!” He cries, distracting me as he sweeps me up, entering the small bathing area that Josephine had set up, complete with a marble tub and scented oils.

 

“Because, I’m so over heated!” I whine, my head falling lax against his chest, my fingers gripping his jawbone necklace, and he sighs.

 

“You’re not merely sick from the disease, Zera, you are truly ill now!” He scolds, warming the cold water with his fingers in the tub. “I see that the servants had already prepared you a bath.”

 

“I couldn't stop coughing to flower petals up.” I answer, causing him to sigh, nodding as he deposits me, smalls and all, into the steaming warm, which cases an unknown cold away from my toes and fingers, he pointedly watches me as I soak, watching to see if I’ll fall asleep, or go too lax. I don’t remember how I got to bed after that, just waking up, and feeling so much more better than I previously had.

* * *

 

Shifting on my feet, I stare at the tome in my hands, a recounting of everything that I could remember of the Hanahaki Disease, written by my hand, before pressing the door to the rotunda open. Entering the round room, I pause at the scene before me, the elven girl from before is leaning on the desk beside Solas, who is in the chair. The girl looks up, recognizing me, she giggles as she presses off the table, caressing Solas’s arm as she skips out, and Solas blinks as he looks up at me. “Zera?” He tilts his head at me as I shake my head, snapping out of my shock induced stupor at my name, and cross the room to drop the heavy book on the table, the thud echoes through the rotunda, causing me to wince. “What’s this?”

 

“E-Everything I could recall on the Hanahaki Disease. I thought... when I’m gone, you’d like to read up on it.” I explain causing him to frown.

 

“You’re not dying. I refuse to believe that.” He spits as he shoves the book back towards me.

 

“Solas, I _am_ dying. It’s just something we’ll have to get used to.” I push the back towards him.

 

“You are _not_ dying!” Solas’s sudden shout causes me to pause, looking up at him as he shoves the book back towards me, and he stands, rounding the table to kneel before me. “I can’t… I can’t _lose_ you to this.”

 

“Solas?” I frown as he grabs my hands, pressing them to his lips, holding them as I blink. “Solas, what’re you doing? Stop.” I tug on his grasp, but he tightens his hold, reaching up to caress my cheek. “What’s gotten into you today?”

 

“This isn’t fair.” he sighs, standing as he tugs me from my seat, pulling me closer as he tucks his head into the crook of my neck, and I freeze at the feeling of his breath on my neck. “Why did you have to come from such a world?” He wonders aloud. “Why couldn’t you come from my world?”

 

“Solas, please, stop.” I press my eyes shut, hurt prickling from the hope flaring in my chest, and when he steps back looking into my eyes, I blink back tears. “You confuse me so much.”

 

“Me?” He chuckles, shaking his head. “Why must you love someone else? Someone with such a rare and marvelous spirit… why must you die from loving someone?” He sighs as I bite my lip.

 

“Because, loving someone could possibly be to more precious way to live, but the loneliest way to die.” I answer, and he looks me in the eyes.

 

“Have you told him?” I shake my head.

 

“He has so much on his shoulders, I cannot add more.” I answer.

 

“More than you do?” He inquires, causing me to sigh, looking in his eyes as his widen in recognition. “You mean to say… me?”

 

“I-” My brow crinkles as I step back, tears prickling behind my eyes as he reaches for me, and I hiccup on a sob that has been held back for so long.

 

“Zera, why didn’t you say anything sooner?”

 

“Because, it’s impossible! I’m not elvhan! I’m not-” He seals his lips over my own before I can continue on, causing me to gasp in surprise, his hand cradles the back of my head as he holds me tight against him, and I continue to kiss him back, my hand twisting around the jawbone necklace he has on, holding him close as he attempts to pull away. He chuckles, reaching up to pull my hand off the leather cord, he steps back to take a deep breath, and I suck in air greedily, feeling my lungs fill to capacity. Forcing out a cough, nothing comes up as I start is shock, as does he, before he pulls me close, kissing me once more.

 

“You should not be so down about yourself.” Solas teases once he pulls away, causing me to frown, shoving him as he chuckles again. “Well, if you had spoken up sooner, you would not have had to suffer, all the time frame that you did.”

 

“It doesn’t help that you’re on the same level of a god, whereas I’m just…” I shrug, gesturing to myself, and he raises an eyebrow at me.

 

“Perfect?” He states, causing my face to flush, and I look down, causing him to chuckle, brushing his fingers through my hair, and pulls me close again, leaning in to kiss me sweetly. “I love you.”

 

“I love you.” I echo back, smiling up at him as he leans down, pressing his forehead to my own. “To the moon and back.”


End file.
